Responses to “Hey” (Zero Effort Dating App) – 60+ Witty, Funny & Effective Replies

You match with someone cute. Good photos, decent bio. You wait for a spark. Then the notification pings: “hey” – lowercase, no punctuation, zero effort. Your heart sinks. Is this a bot? Are they testing you? Or are they just that boring?

The “hey” opener is the dating app equivalent of a shrug. It puts all the conversational pressure on you. But instead of sighing and unmatching, you can respond with a clever, funny, or gently savage line that tests their personality and saves the conversation. This guide delivers 60+ smart responses to “hey” (zero effort dating app) – from playful to flirty to absolute roast – plus delivery tips, texting tricks, and the psychology of why people send low‑effort openers. Next time you get a “hey,” you’ll know exactly what to say.

Why “Hey” Is So Annoying (And How a Clever Reply Saves You Time)

“Hey” signals low effort, low interest, or social anxiety. It forces you to carry the conversation. A funny, unexpected reply does two things: it screens out people who can’t keep up, and it hooks the ones who have a sense of humour. You’ll quickly learn if they’re worth your time – all without being mean.

60+ Responses (Organized by Vibe)

From playful to savage – pick your energy based on their profile and your interest level.

😏 Playful & Teasing (For when you want to see if they have a sense of humour)

• “Hey is a car, not a conversation starter. Try again?”
• “Did your keyboard run out of other letters?”
• “Bold move. Let’s see if it pays off.”
• “Is that your whole personality, or just the free trial?”
• “Hey yourself. Now what?”

😂 Self‑Deprecating & Silly (For disarming with humour)

• “I was going to send you a thoughtful reply, but my cat stepped on my keyboard. Here’s what she wrote: fjdksl.”
• “Congratulations, you’ve said the minimum required to not be a bot. Now impress me.”
• “I’ve been staring at this message for 30 seconds. My expectations are now rock bottom. Surprise me.”
• “Hey back. Now we’ve both said it. What’s next – a staring contest?”
• “I responded to a ‘hey’ once. It was 2014. I’ve matured since then. Have you?”

🔥 Flirty & Confident (For when you’re still interested)

• “Hey is cute, but I prefer conversations that make me forget to check my phone. Try me.”
• “I like your photos, but I need more than two vowels to fall for you.”
• “You had me at ‘h’ – the rest was just showing off.”
• “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. This one was a layup. I’m still watching.”
• “Tell me something that would make your best friend say ‘I told you so.’”

😎 Challenge Mode (For screening out low‑effort people)

• “I’ll give you one more chance to start a real conversation. Go.”
• “On a scale from ‘hey’ to ‘essay about your favourite conspiracy theory’, where are we?”
• “I’m not doing all the work here. You matched me – impress me.”
• “Hey is fine. But if that’s all you’ve got, I’m going back to my book.”
• “Let’s pretend you sent an interesting opener. What would it have said?”

💬 Great for Texting (Copy‑paste ready)

• “Please, go on.”
• “👀”
• “Your move.”
• “I’ll give you a 10% effort discount if you try again.”
• “Hey is what you say when you’re nervous. So what are you nervous about?”

How to Deliver Your Reply (Tone, Expectations & Unmatch Power)

Texting vs. In‑Person (DMs vs Real Life)

On a dating app, “hey” is a test. In real life, someone saying “hey” could just be starting a conversation. For apps, use these comebacks. For IRL, a simple “Hey yourself – how’s your night going?” is fine. Don’t roast a stranger in person for saying “hey.”

What NOT to Say (Mistakes That Make You Look Salty)

Avoid these – they come off as bitter or try‑hard:

• ❌ “Is that all you’ve got?” – Aggressive, not playful.
• ❌ “Wow, so creative.” – Sarcastic and turns them off.
• ❌ A long paragraph about how much you hate low‑effort openers. – Too much, too soon.
• ❌ “Hey back.” – Then you’re both stuck in the loop.
• ❌ Ignoring them completely (if you actually liked their profile). – You might miss a shy gem.

The golden rule: be playful, not punishing. A good comeback screens; a harsh one repels.

Real‑World Scenarios (From Dating App Veterans)

Scenario 1 (Hinge match, cute photos, says “hey”): You: “Hey is a car, not a conversation starter. But your dog is adorable – tell me one embarrassing thing about him.” They reply with a funny story, and you chat for an hour.

Scenario 2 (Tinder, blank bio, sends “hey”): You: “I’ll give you one more chance to impress me.” They ghost – good riddance.

Scenario 3 (Bumble, she messages first with “hey”): You: “Bold strategy. Let’s see if it pays off. What’s the best meal you’ve cooked recently?” She sends a paragraph, and you set up a date.

When NOT to Use a Funny Comeback (Important)

Skip the jokes if:

• You’re on a platform where shy people genuinely struggle (e.g., Hinge prompts are better).
• The person’s profile is extremely thoughtful – they might just be nervous.
• You’ve already matched and had a good conversation that just stalled – then send a softer opener.
• You’re genuinely not interested – just unmatch politely.

When in doubt, a simple “Hey! What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?” is always kind and effective.

Related Reading on FunniestResponses

FAQs: Everything You’ve Wondered About Responding to “Hey”